That Cute Website Blog

I was lucky, 7 months after my daughter was born, I had my back to work interview and my boss allowed me to work full time from home. I was overjoyed. Sure celeb mums were being lauded for being able to successfully juggle a family and work life, but I was never that keen on juggling anyway and I didn’t want to go back to work and leave my little bundle of joy with a total stranger I would never, ever trust. Nor did I want to hear about my baby’s first words or about her first smile, second hand. 

About 3 months after I officially started work again, my boss was made redundant and I knew from that moment I had an uphill struggle to persuade my department and new manager that working at home was not going to cause a downturn in my output.  A full year on after my manager left, an external consultant, and two different Line Managers later, I was still fighting my corner. This was despite my appraisal score being better than ever, my responsibilities increasing as a result and my output being highly efficient. Why did I have to fight then? I kept on being told how “nice” it would be if I came into the office and were face to face when we had team meetings etc. Nice? You want me to use up 90% of my wage to pay a total stranger to look after my beloved daughter because it would be “nice” to see me? For heaven’s sake!

Eventually with the introduction of a new manager, I was made redundant because apparently the job I had been doing successfully for the last year from home now “needed” me to be full-time in the office. Seems like the flexible working bit in the Employees Handbook was just something they felt they had to include, but in practice was certainly not promoted.

So many people told me that I was lucky that I got two years at home looking after my daughter, that I should be grateful for that time and it was time I did start going back to work in an office. After all so many other mothers do it.

Well that is fine if they want to, but so many other mothers don’t and they do not have a choice either. When other countries are embracing off-site and home working, why is it that in this country, working from home, especially if you are a new mother is such a taboo?

Findings from the Avon Mum-Economics Study showed that approximately 70% of mums questioned felt they had to return to work earlier than they originally planned, with as many as one-in-three feeling the need to get a job immediately. But with part-time and flexible working so hard to come by, new mums feel they have no choice but to go back full time and commit their salary to covering the cost of childcare.

Then of course there is the added burden of how they will be perceived by their colleagues and their manager if they have to take time off because their child is ill, or needing to work their hours around the school run.

When I was made redundant I searched and searched for part-time and home working opportunities and for me, it just seemed like another uphill struggle and one which led me to quit the rat race altogether and spend my redundancy on starting my own business. Being your own boss it seems, was the only way in which I could earn money for my family without having to give up my other job as “stay at home yummy mummy”

Being a mum is a full time job

Everyone knows that one of the main things that happen as soon as you become a parent is that you will inevitably suffer from sleepless nights. I was prepared for that. I love my sleep but enough people told me that nature has a way of ensuring you cope with very little sleep, even if you are used to your usual 8/9 hours a night. Also all the literature I read on parenting said the best thing to do is to ‘sleep when baby sleeps’, so that’s what I would do.  Ha! Poppet didn’t want to sleep in her cot in the daytime since she was born and at about 4 weeks, I just couldn’t put her down to sleep anywhere. The only place she would sleep was in my arms, and as babies sleep a lot, I felt I was physically glued to my nursing chair where I sat from 7am and was still sat there cradling Poppet until my husband came home from work. As soon as I put her down he would scream the place down. I felt at the end of my tether. I was totally knackered and most days couldn’t even make myself some lunch.

Silly really as leaving her to cry for a few minutes was not going to do her any harm, but when she was sleeping so peacefully, I felt like an absolute wretch putting her down and I felt I was being selfish.

By the time Poppet was three months old, she simply became too heavy for me to keep holding for her sleep times and I had no choice but to take action. Having done some research on the Internet, I realised I had to put Poppet in her cot and I undertook the “controlled crying” method (me as well as Poppet!)

Boy was it hard. I made sure Poppet was fed and clean and not too hot or cold and then put her down to sleep in her cot at 6pm.  The first day she just cried and cried, and I cried and cried too.  I felt I was punishing her because all she wanted was to be held. But I carried on regardless and the turning point came into the second week. Poppet cried once for nearly one and half hours and I just thought I can’t do this anymore. Besides myself I ran up to pick her up. As soon as I entered the room she smiled up at me with not one single teardrop on her face! She completely had me. Well that did it, left the room and after 15mins she stopped crying and went to sleep. She tried crying for ages again the next night but I did not give in and by the end of the second week she was asleep in her cot, no crying and sleeping the night through!

Relief. It was hard and a real emotional struggle, but it is worth it. A child needs routine and they most definitely need proper sleep. It is so important for your relationship too and now we are all so much happier. The only thing left to say is Zzzzzz

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was overjoyed. I was about to embark on an exciting rollercoaster of emotions, hormones, spiritual and physical changes as I journeyed into motherhood. This joy and rush of excitement however soon turned to anxiety as I realised that before I can hold my beautiful baby in my arms, I would have to go through labour first! As someone who has always been a little bit… “delicate” I was, in short, terrified and the countless horror stories from friends and family (one friend said dying would be easier!) didn’t help.
I had a brilliant pregnancy. No cravings, no morning, noon or night sickness, no backache. In fact the only give way sign that I was pregnant was my expanding tummy, and even this was a cute neat little bump. I decided that the best way to overcome my fear was by the power of positive thinking. Even though the baby will learn more in the primal period than in any other time of their life, they also teach their parents a lot and give back to them from the very start.  My baby was looking after me so far, and I persuaded myself that somehow she (I found out the sex so I could shop, shop, shop) knew I was afraid and would do all she could to look after me. That feeling stayed with me throughout my entire pregnancy. I no longer felt scared and really believed that my little girl would make it as easy for me as she could.

Due date arrived, she arrived. Only 5% of babies are born on their due date and as I went into hospital (St John and St Elizabeth; a marvelous private hospital that I would thoroughly recommend to anyone in London) I knew that this would be the day she would be born.  I am an impatient person you see, so her being late would have caused anxiety and she wouldn’t do that to me! My husband, sister and I went to the hospital at 4pm and as I complained of sporadic twinges they said I was already 3cm dilated but certainly wouldn’t be giving birth before midnight. I got ready and went to the birthing room where the pool was set up, scented candles were glowing and the room was peaceful. I had a membrane sweep and at that point my waters broke. The pain was immense with no let up.  The gas and air did nothing for me, but my husband and sister certainly made the most of it!  It was 6pm and I thought there is no way I can go another 6 hours with this kind of pain. All thoughts of a natural birth went out the window as I demanded (in my weak voice) for an epidural. By the time the epidural was set up I was 9cm gone and the midwife said the baby would be born in half an hour. Okay scrap the epidural, I will just go for it. I climbed into the birthing pool while my husband massaged my back and my sister got her hands squeezed so hard they nearly fell off.  I withdrew into myself and focused on pushing. By 7.59, one minute before my midwife was due to sign off duty (which I was not looking forward too. Continuity of care at that point is so important), my gorgeous little girl weighing 6lb 6oz was born. She was placed in my arms looking all shiny and new and looked up at me with her beautiful big eyes and gorgeous long eyelashes. She came through for me (and also through me!); no pain relief, no stitches, nothing.

After my daughter was checked, we were taken to our large private room which resembled a hotel more than a hospital; large flat screen television, en-suite bathroom, lounge area. Best of all there was a double bed so my husband could stay (I would have hated it if he had to leave) and a beautiful wooden crib for my little angel.  She slept through the night which I was overjoyed with. Until that is the midwife said they all do for the first 24 hours because they too are so tired after monumental journey into the world. Take lots of rest while you can they said, it won’t last long. It didn’t.

I stayed for 3 days and was taught how to do all the basics by the midwives. After all being a parent doesn’t come with a manual and no matter how many books there are out there on parenting, it doesn’t compare to having someone experienced there to show you just what to do and to re-assure you.  In fact I enjoyed staying there so much that I actually did not want to leave the hospital and go home (and be left to my own devises)

The midwives were very supportive and with a 24hour number you can call on if need be, no matter how silly the question (she has had hiccups for the last 10 mins, is she okay, is she going to get frustrated, what do I do) they were always on hand. In fact they could not believe my first birth experience was so quick and so straight forward that they that they invited me to talk about my positive birth experience and the parents’ weekend.

Okay I went to a private hospital and paid the earth for it, but I saved and saved for it to get the best and most out of what was sure to be the most momentous and special day of my life (people spend more than what I did on their wedding and that is just one day too) It is such a shame that the cost is so high however, and more of a shame that NHS hospitals just do not have the budget for this level of care, no matter how nice and experienced the midwives are.  Yes the midwives that work in private hospitals have come from NHS, but where the average NHS hospital takes about 400 expectant mothers per month; St John and St Elizabeth only take 40. 

But this isn’t a plug for the hospital. What I really wanted to say is that pregnancy is a time of new experiences and opportunities that need to be savoured. Labour can be easy(ish) and if I had a choice, I would rather focus on how smooth it can be as opposed to focusing on the rocky road that may lay ahead and the potential horridness of it all.

I am expecting my second child now (three years after my daughter was born) and am going back to St John and St Elizabeth. This time they are really worried that I may not make it to the hospital at all and my baby will arrive en-route, so fingers crossed for me please!